Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics

Have you ever come across something so hideous, so foul, and so utterly incoherent that was so awful that you couldn’t look away from it? Like a massive car wreck, the terrible thing grabs hold of you and won’t let go till it’s finished. This is the exact experience you’ll find on the Dixieland X-wing Podcast (don’t waste your time if you haven’t heard of it). The podcast is hosted by Tyler (Redacted at his specific request), who also tries to go by his super cool, self appointed, ‘Mandalorian’ name Zerxus Dral. Tyler touts the podcast as a group of trolls, clearly doing a poor impression of the Carolina Krayts podcast, because we all know X-Wing needs one more podcast. The Krayts’ shenanigans are cheeky and fun, while Tyler’s are cruel and tragic. In the first episode at the 6:00 minute mark, Tyler boasts,

“I’ve been trolling Alabama X-Wing Contingent for three months now and nobody’s yet to call me on it”

Well Murder Squad is here now. You are being called on it, Tyler. Alabama may put up with your trolling, much like a parent ignores a screaming child, but we’re bringing out the paddles. Dixieland X-wing’s first episode piqued our curiosity, but after the second episode, they have our attention. One could ignore the poor list building advice, the terrible jokes, the poor audio quality, or the general tone deaf nature of the whole show. The rambling, unedited, mess could be overlooked if anyone could follow the sage advice of our parents,”if you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.”

Yet the lies about Tyler’s exploits, the incorrect facts, and the misleading information could not be ignored. Nor could the unsolicited bounties and challenges, nor the fact that our names are used in the process. So let’s all put our waders and plough headlong into the muck being spewed out, starting with the most blatant falsehood, from around 58:00 of episode 2:

“Last year at The Deep Store Championship, I had won an event the weekend before in Georgia, with a list, with my list but I had changed out some crew to try and tech against something. Because at that point I had played Sam Talley every… single… tourn-[gagging noise]- it was like, we were like six or seven Store Championship weekends in and I had played against Sam every Saturday to start the day. And one of us would win, and one of us would lose, and we would go on… the winner would go on to be in first or second place at the end of the day and the loser would go on to be, like, tenth or eleventh place. And it was fine, but I was attempting to tech against crack, uhh, crack swarm. So I had something in there to tech against crack swarm. And it didn’t work. In fact it did the opposite of work. That was my worst store championship finish of the season…”

Well, there’s one thing right: it didn’t work. The rest is so laughably false that we’ve dedicated an entire day to setting the record straight. We aren’t sure why Tyler thought it was a good idea to hitch his wagon to Sam’s, but since we’re here now, strap in. He failed miserably in an attempt to change his list to account for one of last season’s most dominant lists and players. He also failed miserably in attempting getting away with lying through his teeth to attach himself to Sam’s coattails, because there’s public proof that he’s just making all of this up. While it wasn’t outright stated that this magical list was on List Juggler and copied from there by the fellow that Tyler made fun of for coming in last at The Deep’s store championship, it was insinuated by the surrounding conversation. Yet oddly enough, searching List Juggler for squadrons appearing at events in Georgia or Alabama shows 40 all time results for Decimators, 23 for Phantoms, and zero of those have the name “Tyler” or “Zerxus” attached to them. So how did this guy copy that list? Our best guess is that Tyler wouldn’t stop running his mouth about how great it supposedly was, and how he would add yet another tournament win to his stellar record with it.

The funny thing about all that public data on Juggler, is that it DOES show other people’s names, what events they attended, and who they played against. Tyler claimed in the quote above that he had played against Sam every Saturday to start the day for week after week. Lets check the data on that. The event he won in Georgia the week before the Deep (February 13th, 2016)? There’s no records in North Georgia X-Wing Miniatures on Facebook of there being a warm up event hosted midweek, so our options of events he could have been referencing there are exactly one: Giga-Bites Cafe Store Championship (February 6th, 2016). Not only did he not win that tournament (James Matchett did), there’s no “Tyler” or “Zerxus” on that list of 49 players at all. Sam Talley is listed with a 5-1 record, and neither of his names are on that list of opponents either.

Okay, so there’s one example, surely we can overlook that as a lapse in poor Tyler’s memory. Let’s figure out where they did play. Surely Sam and Tyler would have faced off at Meeple Madness (January 30th, 2016)? Well, Juggler says otherwise. Sam had a 7-0 record that day, and again Tyler wasn’t one of the opponents, or even one of the 24 in attendance.

Let’s go to the data again then, what other tournament reports do we have that he might have shown up in over that period of “six or seven Store Championship weekends”? Perhaps Wasteland (January 9th, 2016), where we see Sam Talley with a 7-1 record? Nope, 43 players, 0 of them named “Tyler” or “Zerxus”, which makes for at least 42 witnesses that can say he wasn’t there.

Or maybe Tyler is just mis-remembering things, and this marathon of decisive games against Sam started AFTER losing to him at The Deep. Conveniently, there’s Juggler data available for the next event in the area, February 27th at Titan Comics. Sam Talley, looks like he dropped after a 4-0 run through Swiss, feeling bad for his peers who hadn’t had a chance to win anything in awhile. Among those peers? Not Tyler. So maybe that’s not the case after all.

It’s so odd, for someone that claimed he plays against Sam all the time at tournaments, there’s only one instance where we know of that ever happening, and it never made an official record.

Still, surely, as paranoid as Tyler is about his identity, his name was scrubbed from these events somehow. That’s perfectly plausible. He was probably there at all of them, and at the other events on those three or four weekends with no public results posted. So on the next episode of Dixieland X-Wing, if we’re wrong about this, please feel free to remind us all what those other events were that Tyler played Sam at. We’re completely open to any facts anyone can provide.

It’s a shame that we can’t even prove how poorly Tyler actually did at The Deep that day, with a list “teched” to account for the eventual champion’s list, because the results aren’t published. Still, because the final score wouldn’t show how it happened, the record wouldn’t show how that Phantom 4k’ed itself in front of the entire TIE swarm; decloaked, actionless, and with no shot . Maybe Tyler was trying to fly outside the box, this being a wave 5 list in a wave 7 meta that hilariously outclassed it, or maybe he just isn’t very good at the game. Normally, we’d let his record that day speak for itself, but there’s no record there. There’s witnesses that can say how bad he failed when Sam and the rest of Murder Squad came to put Tyler in his place and take his home store’s trophy last year as an added bonus, but nothing on List Juggler. Why isn’t there a record there? Well, that’s answered for us later on in the same recording. Quoted from the 1:00 mark of Dixieland’s second episode:

“The Deep in Huntsville intentionally does not upload on List Juggler. Never has, probably never will..because it’s a crutch. What you’re doing is creating a crutch for people who want to see what was run at the event”.

A crutch indeed. Imagine how badly we’d all get beaten, if people knew what we flew, giving them a chance to “tech” to counter it? Or maybe the reason that store never posts results to List Juggler is so that Tyler and his buddies can spout ‘alternative facts’ at a later date without recourse. Anyone who has ever met this man once is due an apology from the universe. But anyone who has ever met this man twice will understand why, because he’ll lie to your face about what happened in your last meeting, and expect you to believe it.

The entire statement we started things off with here is incredibly incorrect. Tyler never won an X-Wing tournament in Georgia that weekend he referenced. He never beat Sam anywhere, much less on multiple occasions. Sam never finished outside a top cut that season, much less as low as 10th’ or 11th place.

But let’s not get bogged down on a two minute segment of a rambling two hour podcast. Surely there were some highlights to this farce of auditory entertainment. Perhaps Tyler’s fascinating take on the FFG panel at Star Wars Celebration Orlando this past April. At about the 1:40:00 mark of episode 2, Tyler states the following:

I know that at Celebration there had been some discussion with Frank and several of the people from Organized Play because Will and I were in the panel room when the questions were asked repeatedly. That Fantasy Flight was going to attempt to stop doing what their tradition had been for three years. Which is, ‘ok it’s tournament time, it’s time to drop another FAQ.”

Alright, so let’s skip the fact that Frank Brooks wasn’t at Celebration (Max Brooke was the lone X-wing developer in attendance and at the panel in question) and explore what FFG actually said during that day. According to the Chance Cube’s coverage of the event the panel was largely around the ”focus that Fantasy Flight has with this brand on storytelling and theming”, and “They are looking at Star Wars as a whole across all of their games and how they capture the feel of this story telling universe that we all love.”

The second part of the panel focused on Destiny and had a surprise visit by Tiya Sircar, the voice actress for Sabine Wren. The next expansion for the card game was announced and some raffles were given away. A brief open Question & Answer session did take place, but the topic of competitive X-wing was not mentioned in Chance Cube’s report. Let’s not just take their word for it though; Chance Cube is a Destiny focused outlet, perhaps they missed something in their coverage. Surely someone else with an X-Wing focus was in attendance. That someone: Team Covenant, FFG’s golden child. Lucky for us, they were kind enough to live tweet the event, including the Q&A portion. Here’s the lone X-wing question brought up:

Noticeably absent from anyone else’s public and published accounts of Fantasy Flight’s panel at Celebration are any facts that supports Tyler’s statements at all. Frank wasn’t there, the panel did not field alleged ‘repeated’ Q&A on X-wing FAQ questions, nor did they announce any such news on their own accord. So did Tyler just lie about what went on in that panel or was he even there? Well it can be proven Sam Talley was in attendance. He updated a Facebook post in the North Georgia X-wing Minis group, similar to Team Covenant’s live tweeting.

And if you happen to look through the comments on that thread, you’ll find this little note about the lack of X-Wing discussion:

Yet again, we are left with another instance where it is easily proven that Sam was at an event, Tyler may or may not have been, their accounts of what happened conflict, and Sam’s is the one that matches other publicly available data. Weird how that seems to be a pattern, huh?

Let’s shift gears and go back to the contents of Dixieland X-Wing podcast. Again and again, Tyler makes such a big deal of “his” triple jumps, like he’s the only person in the world that has enough of a vision to combine three JumpMaster 5000’s and make a list out of them. There was a slight detour where Deadeye Scurrgs were the second coming of those beloved ships (How’d that work out, by the way? We found somebody named “Lok Revenant” on List Juggler that got his teeth kicked in pretty badly), but other than that, it seems like JumpMasters are his favorite thing in the world other than the sound of his own voice. Joe Random with no real game experience might be scared of it, but those of us who know how the game works can see where the flaws and weaknesses are in a given list. Nick White jumped out and provided an example of that. Dixieland X-Wing cohost (and coincidentally, the single voice of any real insight among those ramblings) Corby decided that was a challenge, and that his dismissal and lack of follow-up meant that he was afraid of Tyler’s list.

And just like that, Tyler had another way to leech onto a more recognizable and respected name in the community, and decided Nick was the next bounty target for the podcast’s massive horde of followers to go hunting. 

Where “like” is an overstatement. There have been 5 people actually ON said podcast, and I know at least two people that have followed just to see what nonsense is posted about themselves.

Yeah, gonna be a lot of people chasing that bounty…

For anyone interested in it, here’s an official response from Nick regarding the bounty:

“I made a big claim about Poe vs the hypothetical new trip scout list, and you guys decided to shine the spotlight on me. Sure, it was untested hyperbole. I got no problem admitting I was probably grandstanding there. While Poe wins out by the numbers, there’s a an element of ‘that ship doesn’t get to do anything’ present. Anyone with enough patience could beat a single ship as a result. The point is, Intensity Poe (with the Black One title) is growing more common in the meta and is a hard counter to munitions. He sheds two locks per turn, and the attached repositioning probably takes away the torpedo shot of the one that still has a lock. Sure, you might be able to kill 41 points of Poe in a vacuum, but it has nothing to do with your skill or the viability of that list. In a real competitive setting you’ll still have to worry about 59 points of everything else too.”

The sad thing is, we’re giving too much credit to this amateur hour podcast. Far too much of our time has been spent even acknowledging its’ existence as is, because as we’ve said from day one, it’s garbage. And frankly, while we know there’s more bald-faced and disprovable lies sandwiched between audio glitches and inside trolling jokes that we could tear apart, we’re tired of listening to it to pick out Tyler’s lies from between the constant questions of “did we lose [X]?” and Williams rant of the moment.

So we’re gonna wrap things up instead. If we followed the structure of that podcast, this would be the point where we were picking somebody much more respected in the community right now to place a bounty on, someone to leech onto and attach our reputation to. We could mirror it and throw down a challenge of our own for Tyler and his crew, but given the option between letting him lie and say he won said challenge, or having to actually meet him somewhere to beat him, we’ll take “none of the above”, because we’d rather never see his smug, slimy, shiteating grin again.

So go on, Tyler, spout your nonsense, make up whatever fairy tales and fantasies you want to tell about what you do at home. But don’t try to pretend that you’re a constant presence in Atlanta events, that you’re buddies with anyone in Murder Squad, that you play against us all the time, or that you’re anywhere near the same level of pilot as any of us. Crawl back into whatever hole you came out of, and get our names out of your mouth.

–Murder Squad